own it.

t-shirt designed by stacia marie

ladies and gentlemen, life is such a gift but dang it can be rough. so many twists and turns. moving forward. moving backwards. stuck in the middle. life for me hasn't always been rainbows and roses. i have been stuck in postpartum depression 3 times mind you, and it doesn't just stop after a few months. it keeps going and going and going, into anxiety and panic attacks and sadness. it's like it just merged from one hole into another bigger hole. i have dug myself out of my thoughts and fears many times. i have put myself into situations that have caused me or others pain. yes, yes, i am human and to my knowledge, far from perfect. i asked myself why am i so sad when i have so much happiness around me. my life had hit so many walls. i just couldn't get around them...walls mostly in my head i guess you can say.

everyday you learn, grow and experience. no matter what you go through in life, you have a choice. a choice to be you. to choose your own battles wondering...is it really worth it? is this situation really worth driving your mind bonkers trying to win it or even settle? are you struggling saying yes? are you struggling saying no? it's time to find your happy. life is so much better when you are happy, right? it may not be easy and it may be a little bit of work, but guess what? you are worth it.

i am forty-ish and half way through my circle of life. i have everything i need right here, right now. recently, i made a choice. a choice to look at myself differently. past the depression, past the devil on my shoulder, past the tears through the highs and lows. i made the choice to see the good. the good in change. the good in imperfections. the good in making mistakes and picking myself back up...that maybe i just may have something to offer. not only to the world but to myself.

my amazing therapist and friend...(and by the way everyone needs to find a good therapist-so life changing) told me when i continually doubted myself..."you've got to own it." BOOM! wake up call! those few words stuck with me and have seriously changed my life. i mean, it is so simple. OWN IT. i just want to shout it from the top of the mountains. people, we need to stop putting ourselves down and dwelling on the "shoulda woulda coulda's" or the "what ifs." today is your day friends. look at yourself in the mirror, smile and say it...OWN IT! gosh, so many beautiful people out there and we are all fighting our own battles. give yourself just a little break. you've got this.

"confidence comes from within, from standing in your truth, owning your power. it comes from not only recognizing your own beauty but seeing beauty within others as well." - jenna kutcher.

my heart is so full. so much love to give. i'll leave you with this song. the words are so powerful.

this is me.

i am not a stranger to the dark hide away, they say 'cause we don't want your broken parts i've learned to be ashamed of all my scars run away, they say no one'll love you as you are

but I won't let them break me down to dust i know that there's a place for us for we are glorious

when the sharpest words wanna cut me down i'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out i am brave, I am bruised i am who I'm meant to be, this is me look out 'cause here I come and I'm marching on to the beat I drum i'm not scared to be seen i make no apologies, this is me another round of bullets hits my skin well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in we are bursting through the barricades and reaching for the sun (we are warriors) yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)

i won't let them break me down to dust i know that there's a place for us for we are glorious

"this is me"

(from the greatest showman soundtrack)

by kesha

this song and video gives me chills every time i listen and watch it.